The self-crowned “King of All Media” trafficked in some of the raunchiest material for decades before segueing to satellite radio in 2004. Sure, director Judd Apatow’s films look wildly unwoke just a few years later. Comedians like Eddie Murphy once told jokes that could spark extended Apology Tours today. That’s nothing. Year after year, show after show, Stern shared bits that would get him chased him out of Hollywood today. Consider this short but by no means complete list: Lesbian Dial a Date Guess Who’s the Jew Homeless Jeopardy Regular visits to the “Homo Room” Page Six dredged up an old Stern bit from his 1993 Pay-Per-View special parodying Ted Danson’s blackface shtick with then-girlfriend Whoopi Goldberg. The bit finds Stern, in blackface, using the “n-word” repeatedly. Just last week the radio legend appeared on The View and said he had never uttered the “n-word” on air. Stern isn’t dumb, but perhaps he thought the lie would keep the woke mob at bay. The Internet is forever. Stern glibly addressed his unwoke past during his 2019 book tour for Howard Stern Comes Again. “If I read them, I’d want to jump out a window,” he says. “I haven’t picked them up in years. They are snapshots of who I was back then, and I want to take that guy and shake him. I was a selfish prick. I can just see that quote in Rolling Stone, ‘I was a selfish [expletive.]’ But it’s true.” Sober minds realize Stern followed the comedy rules as they applied at the time. He pushed boundaries, but he didn’t lunge past them. Even his move to then-Sirius radio meant he could drop “F-bombs” with alacrity … and get even more scatological sans fear of reprisal. Stern opened his show today with his review of Bruce Lee documentary which quickly shifted to his blackface days courtesy of … “Mariann from Brooklyn.” The show’s screechiest sycophant helped frame the blackface controversy for the King of All Media. “I know it was done with humor … yes, we make mistakes in life, we all do …” she rambled on before saying, “I wrote this down … did I say it correctly?” Did Stern cue her up? “She’s my press secretary…” Stern cracked before addressing the matter himself. At first, he said he hadn’t heard about the Page Six article until a show staffer told him about it. The paper claims it reached out to his camp for comment, though. A rep for Stern didn’t get back to us. Stern said Donald Trump, Jr. and “some conservative guy” dredged up the old material as a political attack, as if this hasn’t been happening across the culture for the past several years. Just ask Kevin Hart. “They uncovered something really big … they uncovered that I did a f***ing crazy show 30 years ago … they exposed me,” Stern said. “Wow…” co-host Robin Quivers said with fake wonder. “I did the craziest mother***ing show ever in the history of radio .. about sex, about race … I can’t think of a topic I didn’t f***ing take on. I was insane on the radio … if you brought up a topic I would talk about it. There’s your headline,” he said. Next, he attempted to head off the next wave of attacks. “Shockingly, this wasn’t even done in a back room somewhere… there’s probably thousands of hours of tape of me doing such shocking stuff,” he said. “I used every racial slur to make a point … at least my point. Some people loved it, and some people hated it.” He turned his defense back on the Trumps. “I assume Donald [Trump] is putting [his son] up to this,” he said, in response to Stern’s unhinged critiques of the president. “According to the Post they have sicced their dogs on me.” “The bigger point … is that 20 years ago I went into psychotherapy … my marriage was falling apart, I was having a hard time with my personal life because I was insane,” he said. Stern embraced the victim card next. “The FCC was after me, the right wing was after me, the Ku Klux Klan was after me, threatening my life … I was fined millions of dollars by the federal government for talking about sex,” he says. “That was the show.” Stern then circled back to the Trumps, much like Harvey Weinstein vowed to attack the NRA after an initial report on his sexual assaults went public. “It f***ing distresses me that Donald Trump, Jr. and Donald themselves won’t go into psychotherapy and change … wearing a mask is not a bad thing, telling people the actual size of the crow at your inauguration is OK. “Attacking me during the Coronavirus and Black Lives Matter is absolutely f***ing crazy. You wanna concentrate on me, bully me …” he said. “There’s nothing new here.” He’s wrong, of course. This is Cancel Culture 101. Instead of addressing that reality, he reverted to form despite all those years of therapy. He went on the attack. In a way it was vintage Stern. Stern wrapped his comments by showing his liberal bona fides. “I’m not a hater … I’m excited about gay rights, telling you not to beat up gay people. I’m excited about the changes that are coming out of Black Lives Matter. I think real change might be in the air,” he said before one more odd Trump attack. “If you solve the pandemic, then we can review all my old shows.” The words, “I’m sorry” weren’t uttered, and that will only intensify the mob. “I’m not apologizing. How can you apologize. I was on TV and radio, I did it,” Stern said to a caller addressing the subject. Once again, Stern either ignores how the woke mob works or is in denial. They want the “I’m sorry.” Even if they hear it that might not be enough. Just ask Roseanne Barr. Stern may think his Trump bashing and newly woke persona will save him. It might. It certainly protected Jimmy Kimmel from his blackface past. Google, Jimmy Kimmel blackface” and all you see are stories about … Jimmy Fallon’s blackface past. Stern could have used this moment to speak truth to Cancel Culture. “We cannot go back in history and find new offenses where none existed at the time. It’s wrong. Someone needs to stand up to the Cancel Culture. It might as well be me.” Instead, he made it all about him, but his first attempt at damage control likely won’t be his last. [Cross-posted from Hollywood in Toto.]